Reclaiming My Body: A Journey Beyond Dieting, Trauma & Self-Healing
I have always had an aversion to dieting—and for good reason.
Growing up, weight was never just about health or feeling good in our bodies. It was a competition—orchestrated by my mother—where my sister and I were weighed, measured, and dieted together, pitted against each other.
As a teenager, this shaped how I saw my body. Weight was something to be controlled, monitored, and judged. Later, as an adult, I tried several rounds of Weight Watchers, hoping for the magic formula that would finally make me feel at ease in my skin. But my relationship with weight turned out to be far more complex than calories in, calories out.
What I’ve come to understand is that weight isn’t just about what I eat—it has been a form of protection, a response to deeper emotional layers within me.
The Turning Point: A Moment That Changed Everything
One of my last experiences with Weight Watchers happened during a time that now, in hindsight, makes so much sense.
I had been going for nine months with a friend, but I had plateaued for four months. Then, out of nowhere, I lost 9 kg in a week. The Weight Watchers team made me stand on the scales multiple times, convinced the scales were broken. They couldn’t believe the weight had just dropped off.
That same week, something else happened.
A man I knew had brought me flowers. It felt like an intimate gesture—like he was trying to say something unspoken. But then, when I saw him next, he had shaved his head. I thanked him for the flowers and asked about the sudden change. His response stunned me
“I went down on a woman and she had crabs.”
I felt devastated—confused about what the flowers had meant, what our interactions really were, and why he had shared this with me in such a crude way.
The next week, I went back to Weight Watchers. I had gained 15 kg in seven days.
That was the last time I ever dieted.
The Truth About My Body & My Weight
I stopped Weight Watchers. I cut all connection with that man. But my journey with my body was far from over.
I began to understand that my weight gain and loss had nothing to do with willpower or food—it was deeply tied to my nervous system, my emotions, and my sense of safety.
Over the years, as life unfolded, my weight became even more protective. Grief, a narcissistic partner, the isolation of the pandemic—all of it left me stuck in fawn mode. I wasn’t just holding weight; I was holding everything that had been too much to process.
At the same time, I also began to embrace my Venus of Willendorf form—the fullness, the mystery, the beauty in it. Through Sexological Bodywork and Bondassage, I started to see my body in a different way. My form wasn’t a failure—it was a gift.
My fullness feeds others. It carries permission. It is its own kind of power.
And yet, despite this growing self-acceptance, I still felt stuck.
A New Way Forward: Healing from the Inside Out
Recently, a friend posted about a natural product that recalibrates the vagus nerve—the part of our nervous system that regulates stress, digestion, inflammation, and emotional processing.
Something in me lit up.
I ordered it before the end of the year, almost as a quiet commitment to myself. I’ve been taking it for a few weeks now, and while my weight hasn’t changed, something else has:
✅ I’ve lost 28 cm overall from my body.
✅ My digestion feels alive again—like a fire I haven’t felt in years.
✅ I’m sleeping better, feeling calmer, and noticing my inflammation reducing.
✅ I feel my vagus nerve waking up, shifting me out of fawn mode, helping me come home to myself.
This isn’t about dieting or control.
This is about resetting. Reconnecting. Allowing my body to heal on its own terms.
More Than Just Weight: A Journey Back to Myself
For years, my weight has been intertwined with protection, trauma, and survival. But for the first time, I feel like I’m releasing, not forcing.
💛 This isn’t about trying to shrink myself. It’s about allowing my body to breathe.
💛 It’s about honoring the experiences that shaped me while choosing a new path forward.
💛 It’s about feeling safe in my body—on my own terms.
I’m still on this journey, but one thing I know for sure: it’s not about the weight. It never was.
It’s about coming home to myself.
Want to Learn More?
If you’ve ever felt stuck in your body, frustrated by dieting, or exhausted by the emotional weight that comes with it, I see you.
I’d love to share more about what’s been helping me heal—inside and out. Let’s talk.
🔗 Click here to learn more about the product that’s been shifting everything for me.
💬 Have you ever felt like your weight was about more than just food? I’d love to hear your thoughts in an email. 💛
💖 You Are Ready to Enjoy The Benefits of pHix 💖